That’s a lot to unpack. You should have cut her off before she told you, in person, while holding your 2 month old, that you should have aborted her. Then you should have done it then and never spoken to her again. I don’t understand why she’s still a part of your life at Behold A Meowtain Vintage Retro Shirt. She should have been dead to you with her statement wishing your baby was dead. I don’t know how you could have kept it together enough to know get violent. I’m angry just reading what she’s done.
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Oh well. That’s FIL’s problem until he finds his nut sack. He’s an adult and can take steps to work on issues in his marriage rather than allowing her to call all the Behold A Meowtain Vintage Retro Shirt. If the IL’s cannot have a respectful relationship with the mother they get no access to the grandchildren. And by respectful there has to be a real apology before there is any contact and repair of the relationship with the mother.