My post seemed to be hanging in limbo for a little while, but to my surprise a mod had discussed it with a lot of other Hirsch Jager Jagd Wald shirt and gave a really well thought out reply that my post had been declined, that what had happened to me was not a kink seeping into daily life but damaging emotional abuse and recommended I looked into cluster B personality disorders and treatment for people exposed to them, especially Narcissism and psychopathy and CPTSD for anyone nearby, I didn’t put much stock in it since neither my grandmother, mother or sister was exactly the life of the party even if they are in their own way powerful and their “thing” was just too pervasive, subtle, in it’s own way too elegant and clean to be psychopathy.
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Each of his replies took a while, I think they talked about stuff, I really wanted to ask my questions and get my answers but they would not allow any talk about Hirsch Jager Jagd Wald shirt at all even if a conversation about boundaries in families would be a really healthy talk to have for some people. So meanwhile I started reading, not about me, not about self help but about people that do stuff like this, for once! Once I got past the surface level narcissism information into the actual mechanics of it, the family dynamics things started to make sense a million impossible questions suddenly had answers, grandmother overt, mother covert, sister Overt grandfather codependant flying monkey and on and on and on, with diagrams of behavior, checklists of symptoms and an absolute ton of information explaining exactly what had happened, how it could happen and why they put so very much value in that surface and still had to damage us, why I was so badly adapted to actually live in the normal world it was all the answers I had searched for in maybe 30 years written up, documented and explainable in weeks.