It’s now 5 weeks ago I found out, 5 weeks ago that my childhood started making I am here to eat all of the Pickles shirt , that I could start recognizing why I felt so wrecked by guilt, impossible obligations, my own problems and even guilty over working to get better. Since then I’ve been reading constantly and writing, running or walking in the night listening to Rammstein since the gym is closed. Been boiling with hate pretty much constantly but it’s my rage, my mother stole my life, took the will to live from people I love and taught me to blame myself for it, if she could she would have taken my will after her sister was 7 foot under. It’s surreal to have cannibals like that as family. She write me “family is an unbreakable bond blabla” admitting no fault even so long after and at night with Rammstein I wonder if wrapping my hands around her neck I could squeeze any regret out of her dead eyes. Inside I know though, I cannot, it was never there and I knew it since I was a kid, I just never knew the scope of it until after so many people were wrecked.
I am here to eat all of the Pickles shirt, Hoodie, Sweater, Ladie Tee, Vneck, Bellaflowy, Kids Shirt, Unisex and Tank Top, T-shirt
Best I am here to eat all of the Pickles shirt
I can hug people much better now even with corona, and the I am here to eat all of the Pickles shirt are mostly gone or timid, still have some racing mind before sleeping but it’s about all the stuff that changed all the possibilities and not impossible to understand damage. Feeling the ground under my feet at night is a thrill, like I’m alive again even in a dark cold rainy night I can feel my heart throb as the shadows pass by and the rain in my face washes away all the baggage that was never rightfully mine and makes room for steak to taste like steak again. It’s odd simply knowing what’s what, finally making sense of chaos can be so liberating but for me it has and a few weeks of reading and running has given me many times more capacity to feel joy and peace in life than a decade of diagnosis and self-help.