They haven’t been together in many months now, and Lisa is getting restless. But Lola is in a relationship with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles a jose canseco bat tell me you didn’t pay money shirt . Ted is “Average 80s Romance Man,” with no particular personality or interests other than being a successful businessman, driving a cool car (a 1963 Mercedes 220 sedan, which is worth $54,000 – $120,000 in excellent condition on today’s collector car market), and satisfying Lola’s every desire in bed. Which he does, almost immediately after we meet him. Lola can always count on Ted to “take her on an excursion of ecstasy into realms not even imagined before.” Oh, Ted. You animal!For those wondering but are unwilling to admit it, the sex scenes would typically be very familiar to longtime romance readers. They use the same euphemisms and arty prose of classic romances. Such as:
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Meanwhile, Lisa is feeling upset because her identical twin postponed her sexual advances while theTeenage Mutant Ninja Turtles a jose canseco bat tell me you didn’t pay money shirt were showering together (I think we’ve all been there, Lisa. Don’t worry about it. Families are complicated sometimes). She decides to attend a party at her girlfriend’s house to soothe her nerves. Lisa is dating Ellen Cooper, a blonde artist who is several years older. Lisa calls Ellen her “Lola-substitute,” which is a really creepy thing to think, so you know she’s going to be thinking it a lot. Ellen is a lifelong lesbian, while Lisa seems to struggle more with her own bisexuality. This will be the book’s dominant dramatic theme: Lisa’s search for sexual identity and fulfillment. Lisa feels guilty about being attracted to women and is always looking for a way to break the spell beautiful women seem to have over her. She has periodically been with men over the years, and although she enjoys them, they do not touch her soul the way women do. (Yes, I am HEAVILY sanitizing these sections for a modern audience, but I think that’s the basic point the narrative is trying to get across.) While at the party, Lisa spends time with Ellen’s other guests, including a young African-American man named Ned, and his live-in boyfriend Clarence. Clarence is modeling nude for Ellen, and Lisa is taken aback by the idea that this model of muscular masculinity is gay. She finds herself attracted to him, despite the fact that neither of them are straight. While pondering the seeming absurdity of this, Lisa goes and has sex with Ellen.