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He also described how he had managed to clean the blood and organs before his parents got home, thanking god that he had the foresight to do this on the wood floor rather than on the Turtle I Never Dreamed I’d End Up Being A Daughter of A Freakin’ Awesome Dad Tee Shirts, and how he packed the body into a small garbage bag and hid it under his bed until nightfall, whereupon he proceeded to sneak out of the house and threw the still warm, soggy bag into a public trash can. He described the entire process in detail as if to instruct any 14-year-olds zoophiles that may have been reading.

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Not that Max ever pretended to be a stickler for Turtle I Never Dreamed I’d End Up Being A Daughter of A Freakin’ Awesome Dad Tee Shirts. In his experience animal’s rights activists were generally smug, preachy and, worst of all, hypocritical; consisting mainly of Democrats and other pseudo-intellectuals. He had lunch with his friend, Hank, earlier that afternoon. Hank was ranting and raving about the consumption of dogs in South Korea. He seemed shocked by this, as if he had only acquired this obscure tidbit of common knowledge less than a day ago.